The purpose of this blog is to journal my life and experiences with obsessive compulsive disorder, ( OCD ) relationship obsessive compulsive disorder, ( ROCD ) anxiety, depression and all other things associated with this illness. I'm hopeful that through my writing I will one day be able to control it enough to allow me to live a happy normal life. I also hope that this blog will serve as a helpful tool to other OCD sufferers and allow people who have this illness to vent and/or share their stories as well. I want people to know that they are not alone. At least that is my intent....
OCD can be a very frustrating and time consuming illness which can often take over your life. The obsessions, ( unwanted thoughts ) and the compulsions, ( rituals ) can sometimes interfere with your normal daily activity and ruin your entire day. There are cases in which a person suffering with OCD is unable to function in life. They can't hold done a job or visit with friends. Nor can they have a relationship with someone since the illness can sometimes tend to hinder these things. There are also cases in which a person can still function in their daily life but 90% of the time they're experiencing some sort of stress along with it whether it be anxiety, depression, loneliness or even guilt. OCD can be a very exhausting illness. A person can go through so many changes in a day that they can become literally mentally and physically drained. Completely worn out. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy.
I'm not exactly sure as to when OCD invaded my life. I may have had this all along and as time went on and I grew up, the OCD grew as well like a weed. I've been paranoid ever since childhood but I always figured that my paranoia was because I was very shy and withdrawn. My social setting was somewhat negative as far as schooling and friends. I never quite fit in which made my life pretty much of a living hell as a child.
Fast forwarding to the present time, as I am now an adult. I'm 44 years old. I can say that I've grown more aware of my illness within the past 5 years. Although I was never a mathematician in school, I have an odd interest in numbers. I can remember numbers extremely well. I don't even have to write them down. All I need to do is hear them or see them one time and they're locked into my brain. It's not just the numbers but rather anything to do with numbers, ie: birthdays, calendar events/dates, license plates, phone numbers, codes, etc... Another example is when I'm shopping for instance. If I'm in the produce department and buying some fruit, I will generally tend to buy 4 of anything. Sometimes 6 or more but most of the time it's 4 and it definitely has to be an even number. Never odd. Nope. Because in my mind I think that it has to be that way or else. Or else what you ask? Well, I don't know. I guess my mind feels that something wouldn't be right or would go wrong if I don't do it this way. Of course I know that this is irrational thinking but it's what I think.
I've had a long day today and I'm getting sleepy. Perhaps I'll get on later to type more or maybe not. One things for sure, tomorrow is another day. Another challenging day.
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