FEARS AND ANXIETY

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFRAID? HAVE YOU EVER ALLOWED FEAR TO CONSUME YOU? HAS THERE EVER BEEN A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU FELT AS THOUGH YOU WERE TRAPPED WITH NOWHERE TO RUN TO OR HIDE? HA! I ASK THESE QUESTIONS WITH THAT SONG BY MARTHA REEVES AND THE VANDELLAS ON MY MIND. YOU REMEMBER? NOWHERE TO RUN TO BABY. NOWHERE TO HIDE.
THERE ARE DAYS IN MY LIFE WHERE I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE THAT AND UNLIKE THE HAPPY FEELINGS AND FOND MEMORIES THAT THAT SONG BRINGS TO MIND, I FEEL COMPLETELY LOST AND OUT OF CONTROL. LIKE A MOUSE IN A MAZE. IT'S AWFUL.

I FELT LIKE THAT TODAY. I WAS PARANOID AND FULL OF ANXIETY AND FEAR. I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SINCE I WAS AT WORK. I JUST HAD TO RIDE IT OUT. I'VE GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD AT MASKING MY FEELINGS. IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO DO BUT I CAN DO IT WHEN I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. I BELIEVE THAT OUTSIDE OF THE OBVIOUS TRIGGERS FOR THESE FEELINGS TO COME ABOUT THERE IS ALSO A DIRECT CORRELATION WITH THE FOODS I EAT WHICH CAN SOMETIMES CAUSE ME TO FLIP OUT. I GUESS IT WOULD MAKE PERFECT SENSE SINCE OCD HAS TO DO WITH SEROTONIN LEVELS IN THE BRAIN.

I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF WORRYING AND BEING FEARFUL OR PARANOID THAT I COULD JUST SCREAM!!

I SHUTTER TO THINK HOW I'LL BE WHEN I GO INTO MENOPAUSE. OMG!! I HOPE THEY HAVE A ROOM READY FOR ME IN THE PSYCH WARD. LOL
I TRY NOT TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO APPROACH ME WITH LOTS OF NEGATIVE DRAMAS BECAUSE I DON'T NEED IT. I HAVE ENOUGH STRESS IN MY LIFE. I KNOW THAT MAY SOUND HEARTLESS BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT I DEAL WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN BE A BIT OVERWHELMING. SOME OF THE PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN MISERABLE AND AS THE SAYING GOES: MISERY LOVES COMPANY. WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO ENTERTAIN THEM. I IMMEDIATELY INTERRUPT THEM WHILE THEY'RE IN MID SENTENCE AND LET THEM KNOW THAT I DON'T EVEN WANNA HEAR IT. I CAN'T AND IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THEN THAT'S JUST TOO BAD. I HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR MYSELF. I'M SURE THEY CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO WALLOW IN THEIR ANGER AND MISERY WITH THEM. I'M NOT THE ONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT SOME DAYS I CAN FIGHT THE FEARS OR PARANOIA AND ANXIETY WITHOUT MEDS BUT MOST TIMES I CAN'T. I'M HOPING THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO WORK ON THAT AND TRAIN MYSELF TO HANDLE THESE FEELINGS IN A MORE EFFECTIVE WAY. 
I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT EVEN THOUGH I TOOK 2 SLEEPING PILLS. MY BODY WAS ACHING WHICH IS PROBABLY WHAT KEPT ME FROM RESTING FULLY. I'M PRETTY SLEEPY NOW THOUGH SO HOPEFULLY I'LL GET SOME REST AND HAVE A BETTER START TOMORROW. WE'LL SEE....