Another Day in my Life.....

I just made it home from the pain management specialists office. I have this severe problem where my head droops down as if my neck can't support my head, and I also have lower lumbar back pain. Usually when I return home from the pain management specialists office I feel fine. Today is different. Today my neck is very sore. So much so that the pain is actually spreading into the right side of my head. And I'm out of pain medication at the present time. Drats....one good thing that I noticed is that I wasn't afraid to go and see this doctor. My OCD had me afraid to go to see any of my doctors because I thought they were going to do me harm. Irrational thinking? Yes. Did I realize that it was irrational thinking? Yes, but I couldn't control the unwanted thoughts. Even the doctors I had seen for years became a part of my unwanted thoughts. It was really sad. I remember this one doctor. Well, she's actually a general nurse practitioner board certified. She's my favorite physician. I told her about my unwanted thoughts and we discussed it at length. And before you know it we were both having a little laugh about it. That's how close I am to her. To actually open up about one of my OCD issues and then her being able to put me at ease. Even if it was only for that one day. But now a days, I don't get anxious before any of my doctors visits. The one SSRI or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor I was on, Clonazepam, I had been without it for so long that I guess my brain got used to not having it. You see I had lost my food stamps and Medicad for over a 5 month period and ended up running out of all of my medications which was terribly bad. I couldn't see any of my doctors except for Jean Mueller the nurse practitioner. She agreed to continue to keep seeing me thank God! I went through some horrific withdrawals and could have had seizures from stopping taking my medicine so abruptly. I went weeks with hardly no sleep. It totally sucked. And my Medicaid was taken away because of a mistake in the system.I had plenty of anxiety attacks then and didn't have any medicine to help me. I just had to ride them out. I think I'll stop here. I have to take my medicine for the day. I'm actually late taking it. Maybe I'll come back and post later today or tomorrow.