AFTERSHOCK......

I still seem to be somewhat on edge after going through the other days mental blow out. Mainly fearfulness and paranoia. Paranoia is an awful feeling to have. You think everybody's out to get you or do you harm in some way or that you're being watched by who? I don't know and you think people are talking about you in a bad way. It's overall negativity and very unhealthy.It keeps your anxiety level high which is also no good. All I know is that I must continue taking medications for the rest of my life because without them I'm totally whacked out. and that's why it's so important that I continue to receive my Medicaid insurance. Without Medicaid I won't be able to afford to go see any of my doctors or refill any of my prescriptions. Being that I have no income coming in it really is a Blessing that my prescriptions only cost $1-$2.00. And with the help of family and friends that's how I'm able to afford my medication. I shutter to think what will happen if my Medicaid is takin away from me again. I have to try and stay focused on positive things in my life. The only problem is is that there aren't very many positive things in my life to focus on. I do try to keep busy. With winter comes tons of laundry because my friend, Nick, wears lots of layers of clothing so that keeps me busy. He does a rotation cycle so the laundry loads don't get too huge. Being alone hasn't bothered me too much lately because I have contact with the outside world via my cell phone and my iPad. Don't have tv right now. Directv has been disconnected for about 5 months. One bit of good but bad news......I'll be running out of cigarettes today so I won't have to check the ashtrays as much that is unless Nick rolls me some cigarette tobacco and I smoke rolled cigarettes. And I have a corncob pipe with pipe tobacco and I have some chewing tobacco in the freezer for hard times. Well, it's time for me to go downstairs to the basement and fold the laundry. Talk to you soon.