The Inevitable

Yesterday was the pits. But I always knew in the back of my mind that this day would rear its ugly head back at me with a vengeance. Yesterday I felt as though my OCD, anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorders were just midway before I'd started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. I'm not for certain what triggered it but I was a nervous wreck. I felt extreme fear and paranoia which is no fun at all. I have been drinking coffee a lot lately and caffeine is definitely trigger. All I know is that I've been strapped for cash and under the wire paying the bills for so long that it keeps me stressed out. So anyway, yesterday I kept on thinking that there was a bill I had overlooked paying on time. I made a payment arrangement with Laclede Gas Co for the downstairs gas bill. I live in a 2-family flat with my best friend, Nick. I noticed a statement saying that we needed to pay $100.00 by the 18th of November. I immediately went into panic mode. I took Nick to work so that I could pay that bill before they turned our gas off. Then when I got home, I called Laclede Gas Co just to make sure they knew I paid the bill so they wouldn't turn the gas off. It was too early to speak with a representative so I used the automated system. To my surprise, I had already paid the $100.00 last week so I didn't need to pay that. Now we owe $.17 cents on the gas bill which in a way is good but in another it's bad because I could have used that money to pay more on my vehicle note darn it! So I came home and wrote out a check for the vehicle note and made out a small shopping list for the Thanksgiving Day holiday. I hadn't taken any of my medications yet and was as nervous as a whore in church. I kept saying to myself, " You've only got 3 places to go. The cigarette shop, the post office, and the grocery store." I was so screwed up that I forgot to bring my punch card in at the cigarette shop and forgot to use my Schnucks teammate discount card at the grocery store. Yeah, yesterday was a rough day. But it's over now. I woke up to a brand new day. I didn't kill myself. All is well.......